I’m turning into what people would deem as rebellious .
Not in the gangster fights smoking context , but rather in a sense that i oppose many things i’m tasked to do for i know not of the meaning . Those internal feelings i’ve had all along seem to be rather prominent nowadays , which isn’t a good thing . Correction needs to be done , as i give in to this road set for me .
Choices.
As i’ve mentioned many times in this wordpress before , ” Choices have consequences ” . Well , it really seems true in each and every case of everyday life . Anyway , this is a rather sudden post i am making , and i still have school tomorrow /arghhh . And , this post is more or less inspired to one of my best , if not best , teacher i’ve met in the course of my education , mr ivan lee . Thinking through the times from the moment he became my hmt/mt teacher during sec2 to this moment when he’s gonna officially leave the school . I knew he was different right from when i saw him , haha , he was one of those teachers whom I would really deem as teachers . From how he conducted his lessons , teaching us moral values through some random newspapers articles , to bringing me to cambodia and bringing the class to a chalet . Thinking back , i’ve sure learnt a lot from him , academically and moral-wise .
Alright , academically-wise . The sweet success i tasted yesterday would have been definitely impossible without him . A1 for chinese , for someone who abhorred learning the language . I guess it’s like , since we can’t change it , we just gotta adapt . And of course , i prefer local teachers so much more to some overseas china citizens … Honestly , just because they’re good at chinese doeesn’t mean they would teach well . I strongly believe that a local teacher would be better in a way that he/she would understand students better , the reasons for them/us not liking chinese and would more or less be able to adjust a little here and there for us to cope , and perhaps a lil’ bonus of gaining interest in the language . Still , i shouldn’t get arrogant over this little success as it’s just a mere stepping stone towards a greater height . I really ought to work hard and do well academically in order to get out of this ” flawed ” , quoting him , education system . Then , it would come with the morals and all , the values he indirectly taught me , how he set me thinking haha . Hmm , while typing this , i’m actually thinking how awkward would it be for someone to read it .. ohwell , nvm . Reading his blog from time to time , he really inspires me in one way or another . I believe he would be the ideal role model on how everyone should think , and how their mindset should be set like . The leadership skills he presented in bringing us overseas to cambodia . Stepping out of my comfort zone , that’s really something i should work on . Also , looking at a situation from different viewpoints . Well , one example would surely be on how he refused to refer us as ‘ helping ‘ the cambodians when we went over for cip , but rather service learning . This with the fact that we might actually learn more than they can actually gain . Is the difference we are making over there really good or bad ? That’s subjective to different people i guess , haha . I guess i could actually write out more on this … but this post seems really messy and it’s cutting into my sleeping hours . Might do up another post that’s more organised when i feel like it , yea , haha .
It’s 2012 already .
School has officially resumed , and it’s going to be soon before we start developing the same daily routine we had last time ; but cutting out the slacks and adding more productivity in . Day2 of school is just over , and orientation has also finally ended . As usual , i got caught for ” long hair ” again and had to go cut it … turned out bad , but oh well , what can i do about it . Really annoyed with the school and suki for being like this , but i guess challenging their authority is really meaningless . As a student , it seems as if we’ve no rights to speak for ourselves and reason everything out . In the face of authoritarian figures ( mainly the teachers/discipline masters ) , trying to reason out with them would just be plainly seen as a matter of defiance . I’m pretty sure that’s just because those figures up there don’t like their authority to be challenged and that perhaps somewhere deep in them , they fear that they might just lose out in reasoning . Oh , and the only chance of winning in an argument against them would only be through our parents , cause if parents are fluent in their speech and debating skills , they can surely overthrow these figures or even issue an MOE letter to get them fired , haha . Then again , i lack such parents who would be able to do so . On a side-note , i hope that i can become such a parent that is able to speak up for my child without jeopardising his behavior ( making him arrogant feeling that he/she can overthrow authority ) . Andand , it’s freaking only the 2nd day of school , and yet i’m starting to stress out over assignments and not being to catch up at all . Gah , already losing out on quite a lot of content taught during these 2 days … especially humans and POA . Here i am , worrying about tomorrow as well . First , the consequences for not doing my holiday homework for history . What would it be ? Stayback complete/Next day hand-in :/ ?Secondly , chemistry test . Oh gawd , this stresses me out the most . With the most amount of content that needs to be memorised , and failure to do so resulting in not being able to solve almost 80% of the questions … and i’ve yet to actually revise for it . Really don’t want to flunk any tests this year , but i’m really struggling with chemistry .. can’t seem to get a grasp of the concepts at all and apply accordingly . Thirdly , the release of o-level mt results . Talking about this really worries me cause i’ve misunderstood the question and if i don’t get a distinction .. i think i would be crestfallen , disappointed and won’t know what to do .
So empty inside . 可以回来吗 ？
Such a big mess on this last day.
Lamenting and whining isn’t what i’m supposed to do on such a festive occasion . Well , what does the new year really mean anyway ? I sure did get a lot of materialistic wants this year , and really , a lot . And what’s the fucking use of them when i’m all messed up internally , realising that no amount of friends can make up for you . I shouldn’t be like this . And how i wish i can just spit out all the crap the want without being noticed by anyone who knows me or vice versa . So what am i doing ? Asking you to forget . But i can’t do it . Because there’s no one else i want except you . I feel so weak , emotional and fucked up . And i can’t do anything now . Happy moments that appear in my sleep no longer exist i guess .
